Eat the Cheesecake

Hello! Yesterday quite a lot happened. It was my birthday, and I had my oncology appointment to find out my test results and chemo plan. When my name popped up on the doctor's screen, it had a little digital cake by it and a note that said, "Jennifer is 45 today!". So cute! But also....kind of weird. 

At any rate, my oncotype test came back, and the purpose of it was to measure the chance of recurrence happening if I did no chemo or radiation and only took Tamoxifen pills for the next 10 years. If I had scored between 1-18, I would be at low risk for the cancer returning if I did no chemo. If I had scored between 18-36, I would be at medium risk for it returning with no chemo. The short and the long is that my score was a whopping 55. High risk for the cancer returning if I did nothing. Yikes! So, the test solidified the fact for me that I need chemo and radiation for sure.

How do I feel about this? I was shocked that the score was so high, but after sleeping on it, I realized that this is my chance to get all the treatment I can as a preventative measure. Chemo will last 5 months for me + radiation after. I can only hope that I get through this one bad year and come out on the other side feeling like I did everything I could, so I have no regrets. My care team nurse also talked me off the high-score-ledge by saying, "Remember, if the cancer had been solidly in the lymph nodes, we wouldn't even have done this test because you would have been at a higher risk for recurrence anyway, so don't take the score as a measure that your cancer is worse than it was." True. True. But do you ever hear someone say something true and optimistic, and your brain dismisses them and worries anyway? That was me last night, and I was armed with a computer researching as much as I could.  This morning, I'm more myself and called my nurse with a few directives:

#1 - Set me up with a wig appointment. I am not going to try the cooling cap to save my hair. I could do it, but it would cost between $1000-2000 that insurance doesn't cover, and it's a lot of work for hair that is already quite a bit of maintenance anyway. One thing I don't want to worry about is trying to save every strand. I know it's going to be awful to lose it, but it will grow back. I would rather save on the stress and money for 5 months and do hair extensions later....maybe in time for my brother's wedding next September! I am looking forward to that! In the meantime, what about this wig option from Amazon for a cool $24.99? I think I am ready to be Wonder Woman!

#2 - Put me on the clinical trial; the research looks good. Yes, it means more chemo, but I need to do everything I can.

So, with the results and plan on the table, I am ready to get my port put in this week and begin chemo next week...day still to be determined.

With all of this going on, I still managed to have a good birthday. Sam's soccer team won their game 9-1, the boys pampered me at home, and my awesome neighbors had a birthday surprise for me: a homemade cheesecake! What they didn't know is that when I was first diagnosed and worried about eating right and doing everything I could to keep cancer at bay, my radiologist said: "You have to live your life. If you want a piece of cheesecake, eat the cheesecake." So yesterday, that's what I did. It was wonderful.

Love and light,
Jennifer