Flowers in the Frozen Tundra

So, thanks for the prayers, thoughts, and well-wishes! I was able to recover enough two Thursdays ago to get chemo on Friday, so that was a real blessing for sure. The thing with blood counts is that there is no way to tell if they are going to be up or down, so when I walked in Friday, and my doctor said, "What did you do last night?" I couldn't tell if he meant that question in a good or bad way. (He meant it in a good way...because my white counts went up to 3.5 from 0.9). 

What was my secret? Well, I'm going to admit that a diet of strawberry smoothies, blackstrap molasses, and 3 hours on the couch watching International House Hunters, along with lots of prayers went a long way.

I also got some lovely flowers this week that you can see here from what looks like a veritable garden in my living room. My aunt and uncle from Pennsylvania sent the tulips hoping they would remind me of spring....which we will need this week, because we may hit record low temperatures + a snowstorm any day now. My book club and some of Hans's co-workers also sent some flowers, and my friends from work loaded us up with meals, so we are feeling lots of love. Thank you, everyone!

After last week, there have been a few other developments in terms of my care. For one, because my white counts dropped too low one week, I've had start going in every day for a shot to keep them up. It's kind of a pain because I have to drive 30 minutes, wait to get the shot, and then drive back home. Every. Day. Even on weekends. The good news is that my white counts won't drop, but it doesn't help with my red blood counts, which were too low this past Thursday and meant that I had to get another blood transfusion. As a result of all of this, I made the tough decision to go part time at work for the rest of my chemo treatments. It was all getting to be too much!

Thankfully, I feel really supported in every way - at home, at work, and at the cancer center. Now, if only the weather would cooperate....

Love and light,
Jennifer

Some Bumps in the Road

Hello everyone!
Well, I should have known it couldn't last....I have been cruising through 13 weeks of chemo and last week (week #14), I hit a snag in the road. It was the first time that my red blood count was too low to get chemo. What does this mean? It means that I was anemic and that my energy should have been low. The crazy thing about it was that I worked all day at school until noon and felt fine, so when my doctor said, "No chemo for you today; you're going to get a blood transfusion, and come back tomorrow to see if it worked," the news threw me for a loop.

Transfusions are no joke. I had to go to the hospital, get my blood matched, which took close to 2 hours because apparently I have a complex blood type, and then another 3 hours to go through the transfusion process. I left the hospital at 8pm with my trusty driver, Hans, and then went home to write sub plans for school the next day.

But hallelujah, it worked! Here I am getting my chemo 14. Not my favorite way to spend a day, but I'll take it because I don't want to get off schedule and lose any chemo time.

I hope you never have to go through this, but they do try to make you as comfortable as possible. You can see that I'm in a recliner (heated) with warm blankets. The chemo machine has a bunch of tubes coming out of it because they are giving medicines to avoid nausea, medicines to avoid acid reflux, medicines so that my body doesn't have an allergic reaction, the chemo itself, and so on....It looks like I am being prayerful, (and I am), but what I'm doing is holding a cold pack in my hands to freeze my nerve endings so the Taxol doesn't reach them and give me neuropathy. I also have cold packs put into socks so my feet aren't damaged either. So far, so good! But let me tell you....those cold packs are torture when the high is 10 degrees outside! Ah, Minnesota.

Today, I should have had my 3rd double dose of Carbo & Taxol, but when my bloodwork came back, this time my white blood counts were too low. I'll admit that I cried, which I haven't done for awhile, but it's just so frustrating! So, I have to go back tomorrow and hope that it is up high enough. If not, my doctor will give me a shot to boost it over the weekend, so I can get chemo next week.

I feel pretty powerless. Is there something I can eat? drink? do? to help my blood counts? I'll eat seaweed or kale if I have to, but the doctors and nurses tell me: "Besides rest, not really; it's just what the chemo does."

I have 20 weeks of chemo total, and I really hope the rest is not as crazy as these two weeks have been. Say lots of prayers!

Love and light,
Jennifer

Happy New Year!

Sorry that too much time has passed since my last post...sitting down to write when I have school work, holiday stuff to do, and the fatigue from chemo just makes it tough to think about writing a thoughtful blog detailing life as it's happening. I hope you've had a good holiday season...it feels like it went by in a blur! Let me back up and share some of the highlights from my past month.

Advent - remember that?
As a birthday gift, Hans got me a silent retreat weekend that was held at the spirituality center at St. Benedict's University about 15 minutes away. It was the perfect start to Advent. There were 20 of us on the retreat. We all said hello and introduced ourselves, and that was it - not another word until the weekend was over. So what does one do on a silent retreat? You meditate, or read, or sit and think, or don't think at all. We would come together as a group a few times a day for silent prayer and then also eat together, but in complete silence. Was it awkward? Not really. Of course, everyone chews their food or moves around more deliberately, but that is kind of the point...to appreciate and be aware of each moment. I highly recommend it!

When I got home from my retreat, I was welcomed by the sight of our newly resurfaced fireplace! Words cannot convey how ecstatic I was to see it finally completed after 10 long years! When we moved in, there were no bookcases and the fireplace was a boring sand colored brick. It has been on my list of "things to improve" around the house ever since, but being purely cosmetic, it didn't make the cut until this year. I think the cancer card had something to do with it. Also, we have a marvelous neighbor who does amazing tile work, and he was able to get it all done while I was on retreat. Thanks Marv!

Now that I had a cozy fireplace setting, I was all set to read some good books. One book, called A Gentleman in Moscow was chosen by both book clubs I am a part of. It is a beautifully written story that has language to savor. Is it a page-turner? Not really, but if you appreciate reading a mix of history, eccentricity, and thoughtful phrasing all the way through, you would enjoy this story. It is a book I could read twice...if I had time!

Time. It sure has been speeding by, but in terms of chemo treatments, feels achingly slow. I am only halfway through them, and it is getting a bit tougher each time to bounce back. I finished the first four rounds of AC treatments by the end of November and started a new regime in December. For this new round, they give me a clinical trial drug once every three weeks with another drug called Taxol. Whenever I get Taxol, I do fine. Sleepy for one day, yes, but not terrible. However, when they give me the double dose, I am out flat for at least 4-5 days, and that can get dispiriting because I feel like such a slug. There are so many things I want and need to do that I can't!

 Luckily, just before Christmas, I only had a round of Taxol, so we took the opportunity to drive to Missouri to see everyone, and it was lovely to walk around the farm in 50 degree weather....It was the first time I'd been back "home" since I was diagnosed.

The boys loved seeing their cousins, even if just for 2 days, and being together with aunts, uncles, new babies, my siblings, and my parents made me feel so much more renewed, even if it was a crazy whirlwind. 

We had to high-tail it back to Minnesota because of a brewing snowstorm and for the double round of chemo, but we made it back safe and sound. I have been sleeping a lot the last few days, and am gearing up for school to start again this Thursday. You may not hear from me for awhile, but please keep me and the boys in your prayers! Thanks and happy new year!